Last night, Magill and I watched the BBC adaptation of Lorna Doone. It was made in 2000, but it feels like it was made around 1992. It stars people I’ve never seen before in most of the leads, and gives certain beloved actors bit parts. Chase from House and Mr. Tumnus (I mean James McAvoy) make brief, but engaging appearances. The costumes are kind of nice. And that is the kindest thing I can say about it. For my critique, I turn to a conversation I had with tithenai.
Me: We just watched the most unintentionally hilarious costume drama – Lorna Doone. So bad, it’s good – and it’s set in Devon! The villain dies in the end by sinking in a pit of ooze, quite randomly. Seriously.
tithenai: oh. my. gods. You have to read this, then: http://glvalentine.livejournal.com/tag/abridged+classics and watch the Abridged Classic version of it. ; )
Me: Funny, but they left out some of the most mock-worthy parts. Like the villain falling in a pit of ooze, the hero (who up until this point, had been trying to kill him) trying to save him, and the villain refusing help and sinking sulkingly into the ooze. Or where Lorna gets shot, and some guy takes her pulse and is like, “sorry dude, she dead,” and then the hero goes out to get his revenge (see ooze pit above), comes home, and his family are all like, “she’s upstairs, boo hoo.” And then he goes upstairs and starts talking to her corpse (which does not breathe, because I pay attention to those kinds of things), and then this other girl who has the hots for him is all like, “Um, Lorna isn’t dead,” at which point she sits up and is fine. Or the fact that at one point, the words “seven days later” appear at the bottom of the screen to delineate the passage of time. This never happens again, not when similar, yet more confusing week-long jumps happen, and not even when YEARS pass. Also, someone says “Doone” in every scene. Several times, usually. Magill suggested that it would make the ultimate movie drinking game if we drank every time someone said “Doone”. Being drunk could only improve the movie.
And that, my friends, is my review of Lorna Doone, the movie. BBC, what were you thinking?